Bring Back the Fuzzy Dice

When cars were big, made of good ole Detroit or Cleveland steel, burned regular gasoline and spewed out beautiful fumes, rear view mirrors were tricked out with a nice pair of fuzzy dice.  Kids rode in the giant back seat and no one even thought of putting on a seat belt. No more– we’ve apparently evolved.  

Now everyone needs a helmet even on tricycle and any affordable car is a plastic piece of junk.  The fuzzy dice stepped aside for the graduation tassel when it meant something to graduate from high school.  Now, the high school tassel is nothing but a baton signifying passage into a worthless college education where most “kids” go to become stupider and learn to be eternally unhappy.  We’ve evolved after all.

Enter the garter.  Tacky and perhaps a symbol of getting into some action.  There’s nothing like letting everyone have a look at a lacy symbol of stuff once not seen in public.  There is no shame in keeping certain things inside.  However, evolution has brought the clothing once donned only for exercise (or perhaps professional cycling or running) to the grocery store, the local Starbucks, every college campus and even the burger joint.  God help us.  We’ve evolved after all.

Everyone needs a breath of fresh year, especially when weed is in the air.  My favorite trend was the crown that hung so beautifully from the mirror like a 17th Century jewel may have adorned a thrown.  In fairness, they were soon removed from the mirror due to their obstructive nature, but they sat atop dashboards for several years like the feathered haircuts of the 80’s.  At least the car smelled good.  We’ve evolved after all.

There are endless other stupid devices and trinkets that have hung from mirrors and their evolution has been proportionate to the perpetual failure of the car owner.  (The hanging chad symbolically must fit somewhere in this category!)  How many air fresheners or garters have you seen displayed in a Ferrari or Rolls?  Those drivers have created their own trophies and they don’t hang them from the mirror.  Now, the eternally unhappy hang their masks form their mirrors just so everyone knows how unhappy they are.  The hanging mask is a wonderful practice for the happy though—we can easily identify the bitter and run like hell from them.  

The happy evolve by pursuit of happiness.  The unhappy stay tied to stupid ideas and no matter the form in which their bad ideas are regurgitated, the results are the same—something stupid.  Maybe evolution is not so good.  Maybe a bit of creation based on faith in oneself is the way to go.


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